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No-one is a failure!

As promised, making mistakes can be really hard. It costs you personally, financially and in credibility: clients lose trust and don’t return. (That’s different to a client getting bored with your service or your style of working.) The following are just thoughts, and the way I came to terms with the attitude to failure that was passed on to me. My dad grew up in the 40s in England; he was told he would never amount to anything, and he believed it until his late 70s. I told him that was BS; he had learnt, he could learn, his whole life was learning and he wasn’t a failure; he just learnt differently and there is nothing wrong with that, not then, not now.

Part of it stems from what we’re taught at school, inadvertently, through our education system: that we are a failure if we get less than a C, or 50%. We’re taught to believe that the pinnacle of success is being a professor, a doctor, or a rocket scientist. Don’t get this wrong; these are incredibly important, but most people are interested in errr other things. Check out Ken Robinson's TED Talk on this, it is amusing and insightful: https://youtu.be/iG9CE55wbtY

Ironically, no one failed school…ever. Yes, this sounds controversial, but it is not, and it has nothing to do with the teachers; they are amazing! It’s how we all learn, and school systems stopped evolving to recognise how we learn individually. No conspiracy, no judgements here, we’re just not aware of it. As a society or species, we as humans have evolved past the old-school system. The lock doesn’t fit the key anymore. In addition, our interests and passions extend beyond what school covers; we’re more diverse, so much broader than maths, english, science, geography, history and economics. We can just google that stuff, or better still ask AI. Evidence of this is everywhere; look at what people are learning, discovering, creating, making and sharing.

It fascinates me that some people can learn by listening to the teacher explaining something; I can’t. My mind has already raced out the door thinking about what I’m doing afterwards or later that day. They called it day-dreaming like it was wrong. Turns out it’s another normal. It’s actually what athletes do to win: they picture themselves winning in their chosen sport, including every conceivable movement and scenario. Check out sports psychology and visualisation training; it's a big rabbit hole.
So unfortunately, over time and a couple of generations, failure has become a self-perpetuating learnt behaviour: the internal self-talk is: I’m a failure, I’m no good because the school said so, you will never amount to anything, you’re a failure - and if we’re not aware of it, we end up believing it, and we say to ourselves: I should just be a ……, and that’s all I deserve. (I’ve left the job title out on purpose. There is no judgement here about any job, or any passion.)

No one is a failure. We just learn differently.

I’m going to say it again: no one is a failure! We just learn differently. Different things excite us and propel or inspire us to learn all about it. I was fascinated by Architecture, 3D, art and aeroplanes, yet I left school to become a Baker and Pastrycook (for 4 years). Some of us learn with quiet time and reflection, no interruptions, just reading and pictures. Others prefer videos and examples; others prefer to physically do it with their hands to see the manifestation of what was written or create something new and improved.

Four ways in, none of them first

Every one of these is in the post above. There is no order to them, which is the point.

  • ListeningThe teacher explains it and it goes in. I can’t do this one; my mind is already out the door.
  • Quiet and reflectionNo interruptions. Just reading and pictures, in your own time.
  • Videos and examplesWatch it done, then do it.
  • Hands onPhysically do it, to see the manifestation of what was written, or build something new and improved.
No ranking, no ordering, and no research behind it. Just four ways people learn, including me.

Neurodivergence is real, and it is a wonderful thing! I think it's part of our evolution as a species; it's imperceptible to us now, but we will see it when we look back at 100 years of age, and it's so incredibly inspirational. For example, Stephen Wiltshire can look at a city skyline, and he “knows it”, through visual osmosis or something, and then he can draw it all on a huge canvas, all of it accurate, like a photo. Check out Stephen Wiltshire https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stephen_Wiltshire; he is inspirational.

So it turns out our minds are wired to learn in a unique way. It was never about the schoolwork or homework; it was about finding what we are passionate about and doing what it takes to achieve it naturally, learning our own way on our own timeframe, no competition, everyone wins their own way. It’s like an ASIC chip and a Pentium chip; one is specialised, one is generalised. We’re Specialised now, all of us.

Specialised, not general

An analogy for how minds are wired.

ASICThe whole die given over to one job, and extraordinary at it. Specialised.
PentiumThe same silicon split into blocks that each do a bit of everything, well enough. Generalised.
Drawn, not photographed: the difference is in the layout, which a photo of a real chip would not show. An analogy, not a measurement.

So where to from here? Follow your bliss, as Joseph Campbell said. Love what you do, we’re all in this thing called life together. Enjoy it, help others around you to enjoy theirs, and somehow things get better over a few more generations.

I hope this helps someone,
Thanks for reading winners!!
Luke